DAYTON, Ohio — I receive many questions from readers that require very complicated and elaborate responses. Here are recent questions that have very simple answers.
Q. My 6-year-old daughter has had no contact with her biological father. When I was married to her dad, he abused drugs, cheated on me and got in trouble with the law. When she gets older, I want to tell her the real reasons why I am no longer married to her dad, because I think she has a right to know. She is a delightful little girl who is doing well and gets along great with her step-dad. However, I think her knowing the truth about her biological father is very important.
A. The reasons for your divorce are none of her business. If asked, simply tell her the reasons are private.
Q. My 7- and 10-year old sons are constantly bickering. I want them to have a good relationship, but I must admit I get tired of listening to their constant arguing and fighting. However, they are old enough to work these things out by themselves so I simply walk away. Am I making a mistake?
A. Yes. Set some clear and specific guidelines about what is acceptable behavior, and enforce those rules with consistent consequences.
Q. My 4-year-old son has no interest in toilet training. He is an only child, and gets a great deal of attention and love at home. He appears to be functioning at or above his age level in everything except this one area. While I am a bit embarrassed to be putting diapers on a child his age, I feel like we should wait until he shows some interest rather than forcing him to become toilet trained.
A. You are making a serious mistake. Stop waiting and start teaching him this critical skill, which he could probably learn in a couple of days.
Q. My wife refuses to leave our 8-year-old daughter with a baby-sitter, even with a family member. She is afraid that something bad will happen to our daughter, such as being abused or something like that.
While I've put up with this for many years, I don't think it's good for my daughter or for us. I'm concerned about what effect this is having on our marriage. I'm also afraid that my daughter is becoming overly preoccupied with a stranger or family member sexually abusing her.
A. This is not healthy for you, your marriage or for your daughter. I suspect there are other issues that need to be addressed. You and your wife should speak with a counselor about her concerns.
Q My 9-year-old son has typically done horribly in school. The school and even my family doctor wants to try some medicine to see if it will help. I'd rather have him fail in school than begin taking drugs at his age.
A Talk with your family doctor about the potential side effects of the medicine. You'll need to balance those risks with what is happening to your son now — chronic academic failure. Why not try the medicine for a while and see if it helps?
Next Week: Are childless couples happier than families with kids?
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit the Dayton Children's Web site at www.childrensdayton.org and sign up for FamilyWise, a free e-newsletter for parents. Send comments to Dr. Ramey at rameyg AT childrensdayton.org