Q. My teenage daughter has been in therapy for over a year, and I just don't see any progress. My daughter reports that most of the time in sessions are spent talking about her early childhood. She wasn't abused or anything, but her dad and I had a difficult divorce, we moved around a lot, and we had some financial difficulties.
Whenever I discipline my teenager, she says something about how she has "abandonment issues." I frankly think she's using therapy as an excuse for her bad behavior. Am I missing something?
A. While yesterday's events undoubtedly affect today's behavior, some therapists spend too much time focusing on the past rather than helping kids deal with the present.
Your daughter can live her life as a victim, lamenting the fact that her childhood wasn't perfect or she can take control of her life, stop whining about yesterday's hurts, and figure out how to lead a moral and meaningful life.
There's a point in therapy where talking about the past can actually be harmful. The risk is that past events become an excuse for today's misbehaviors.
Talk with the therapist directly about your concerns. Before the session, write out questions you have about your daughter's therapy. If you feel uncomfortable with the therapeutic approach, discuss your concerns with your daughter and seek a referral for another therapist.
Q. My 10-year-old son has been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder. I am adamantly opposed to medication, and would like your opinion on what other approaches, other than medicine, can help my son.
A. Not all children who have attention-deficit disorder need medication. However, medicine can be extremely helpful in helping children focus, concentrate and be successful in getting through the day. It is reasonable to try nonpharmaceutical approaches first. However, don't rule out medicine as one approach that has been effective in helping some children.
The most successful nonpharmaceutical techniques are behavior therapy approaches. Behavioral therapists focus their interventions on structuring the child's day, and managing the environment so as to maximize the child's success. Behavioral psychologists can guide you in looking at environmental cues (e.g., TV, noise, distractions, etc.) that lead to distraction and inattentiveness. Such therapists are also very helpful in setting up various reward systems and helping youngsters learn "self-control" techniques.
School officials are typically the most informed about local behavioral therapists, many of whom consult with school teachers on management of such youngsters in the classroom.
Q. I know this is a stupid question, but I'm afraid to ask my family doctor. Is it possible that a child can "catch" autism? My 4-year-old son is in a preschool with an autistic child and they seem to be developing a friendship. I've noticed my son picking up some of the strange behaviors of this child, and I'm wondering if it would be best if I kept my son away from this child for awhile.
A. Autism is a severe developmental disorder that exists from birth. It cannot be transmitted by contact from one child to another. However, your son certainly could imitate certain behaviors or mannerisms of youngsters with whom he interacts. However, I doubt that periodic contact with an autistic child in preschool would have any effect on your child's behavior. Help your son understand that his playmate at school has some special problems and that some of the ways he acts are not acceptable ways for your son to act.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton, Ohio. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey. Send comments to Ramey at rameyg AT childrensdayton.org. This article appeared in the Dayton Daily News.