JUPITER, Fla. — The Florida Marlins surely could use Scott Proctor in the bullpen right about now but, truth be told, the reconstructed right-hander probably needs this year away from baseball more than anything.
There's a long scar on the inside of his right arm, telltale sign of the common but chaotic elbow surgery that will forever be tied to the name of Tommy John. The longer rehab mission, however, involves the preservation of Proctor's own good name as a husband, as the father of three small children and as a former Martin County High School star.
At a recent AA meeting near his Jensen Beach home, Proctor, 32, stood and admitted for the first time that he is an alcoholic. That jolting news was delivered in a roomful of strangers, but soon there was an article in The New York Times and others in South Florida newspapers, bringing family and friends onto Proctor's active battlefield, most of whom had no idea there was a problem.
"The biggest misconception is that baseball is a bunch of drunks and guys that live like rock stars," said Proctor, who joined the Marlins as a $750,000 free agent in January but hasn't been able to contribute. "That's not necessarily true. There are a lot of mature and good guys in the game. My situation is one where I couldn't say no.
I couldn't go for one or two beers and go back to my room. One or two turned into 12 or 15, getting in at 3 in the morning and, you know, waking up and feeling like garbage the next day."
For a while Proctor blamed the baseball lifestyle, winding up for action in the afternoon and winding down late at night. With the excitement of a noisy stadium comes the monotony of constantly being on the road. It's all part of the ritual of the game, dangerously seductive to superstars and journeymen alike.
"Mariano Rivera was a big one who pulled me aside and told me I might want to rethink how I was doing things," said Proctor, who made a special trip to the visitors' clubhouse at Land Shark Stadium on June 20 to thank his former Yankees teammate for caring enough to speak up. "At the time, it was one of those things where you don't want to disrespect him but, hey, your life is your life and my life is my life.
"In baseball we're so superstitious that sometimes if you go out and get blasted the night before and have a good game, you think, 'I've gotta do it again.' You're almost afraid of changing due to success and failure."
If that sounds shallow or scary, don't worry. Proctor agrees. He says he's finished making excuses for his poor decisions, and busy pouring thick layers of accountability onto any potential cracks in his resolve.
In a couple of months he'll be throwing again. By spring training he wants to be back with the Marlins, slowly working back into the set-up role that Larry Beinfest, the team's baseball operations chief, envisioned for the former Yankees and Dodgers workhorse. That would be as close to perfect as this comeback could be, and as close to home as Proctor could get at this jarring turn in the road.
"I'm where I need to be," said Proctor, who regularly gets treatment at the Marlins' Roger Dean Stadium complex. "I wondered why my contract wasn't tendered last year at L.A., but God puts you in places for a reason."
Proctor said he appreciates the extra attention paid to him by the Marlins, who thus far have gotten no return on their investment.
Marlins bullpen coach Steve Foster, in particular, provided some personal encouragement just prior to Proctor's season-ending surgery on May 12. Part of it was about bouncing back from injuries, for Foster endured multiple surgeries during his own major-league pitching career in Cincinnati. The rest, Proctor says, was a general reminder about the power of forgiveness, a spiritual reminder that people can change and shouldn't be afraid to try.
"Part of the reason I am here is to help relievers, even to help relievers in their down times," said Foster, who doesn't believe that any Florida teammates in the spring-training clubhouse knew of Proctor's alcoholism. "Life's not easy. You either live this life based on faith or fear. One message I left with Scott was that at this point in time you need to choose faith."
We don't need to run down the list of athletes who have chosen to live a double life or the people they have destroyed in the process. More than ever, Proctor is looking to the players who have successfully faced their addictions as they would a ninth-inning crisis. Very carefully. Very aggressively, too.
"Even though I've never met Josh Hamilton, he's been such an inspiration to me," Proctor said of the Texas Rangers star who made the high-profile transition from binge crack user to all-star outfielder. "I know how I have to go about it. So many people have said, 'Man, I wouldn't admit it (alcoholism) publicly,' but that's what it takes for me."
The Marlins still have to decide what to do with Proctor, who is on a one-year contract, but it figures a guy this tough-minded, this humbled, would be good to have around a young team. He won't pitch every night but he'll teach every day.
Dave George writes for The Palm Beach Post. E-mail: dave(underscore)george(at)pbpost.com.