ELIZABETH CITY, N.C. — I live in a swamp. Well, not really in a swamp, but near one, in a neighborhood that, a few centuries back, was likely a swamp.
Swamps breed all sorts of critters, including insects. Now insects, it seems, are probably the most ubiquitous of all these critters and the common housefly must be king here.
A couple of weeks back President Barack Obama was seen swatting and killing a common housefly and the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals decided it would champion the creature and admonish the president for taking a life.
Buddhist monks, I have read, would not take the life of an insect because it might be a reincarnated soul. I get that and even respect that, yet I have to wonder what the soul did to come back as a housefly.
The average lifespan of a housefly is about 15 to 25 days and that is without the head of a large nation killing it for all to see. Thing is, I'd be just as happy if that fly's lifespan were five to seven days.
I don't like the common housefly. Now the folks at PETA might want to have a word with me for this, and that's fine because I think I'm ready for a debate over the virtues of killing a common housefly.
Because I live around a pretty swampy region, it seems there are far more houseflies than there are people. And it seems they all live in my kitchen.
See, I have four children, at least two of which would enjoy the merry-go-round effects of a revolving door if we had one. But we don't so they run in and out of the house constantly, leaving the door open half the time.
This lets flies in the house.
"Close the door! You're going to let the flies in," I bellow, and it usually falls on deaf ears because they're too busy running in and out to hear me.
Now when this occurs I simply begin rolling up old newspapers, having them at the ready. I'd use a fly swatter but those things seem to be too much fun in the yard for some reason or another and the boys eventually lose them.
So I stand in the center of the kitchen eyeing my prey, newspaper in hand. Once I think those houseflies are content, I launch an attack the likes of which a critter that lives up to 25 days has probably never seen.
And they begin to drop like, well, flies.
A problem here, however, is that flies seem to possess some sort of intelligence, and this might be why PETA is interested in protecting the Musca domestica. Once I launch my attack, the darn things get wise to me and scatter.
Not only do the flies scatter, but also they hide. I have to lay in wait for them to become content once more before I launch another attack and watch them drop again.
Don't get me wrong here; I don't take pleasure in killing these flies. In fact, I would be much more content if the flies would leave me alone, and then I wouldn't have to waist my time swatting at them.
Of course, if a fly's lifespan was more than 25 days, they might live long enough to communicate with one another. They might tell one another that my kitchen is a dangerous place and maybe they should retreat back to the swamp, or perhaps find the residence of the nearest PETA member.
Robert Kelly-Goss writes for The Daily Advance in Elizabeth City, N.C. E-mail: rkelly-goss(at)coxnc.com.