AUSTIN, Texas — There aren't many funny things that happen when you find out you've got cancer, but I've got one I can share with you.
When I first went in to one of my two family doctors to have the hot spot under my tongue checked out, he looked in my mouth and said he couldn't see anything unusual. Then he checked my charts, and gave me a prostate exam.
I'm thinking, "Buddy, wrong end."
So Lance Armstrong and I now have two things in common. We both know how to ride a bike, although he's better at it than I am. And we've both been diagnosed with cancer, although he's over his. And I may be over mine, Or not.
That's why Monday I began six weeks of radiation treatment.
I'm not telling you this for your sympathy, although prayers and well wishes are accepted. I'm telling you this so you'll know what's going on. If there's a column missing now and then, you'll know why.
This started when I noticed a nagging sore way back in my mouth, underneath my tongue. I've had these before, but this was more persistent than most.
Folks, if you notice something odd like that, get it checked out, and get it checked out yesterday. If I hadn't, I'd be in a lot worse shape than I am now. Because I hopped on it real quick, the tumor never got that big. I caught it at the first stage.
It's now gone. That explains the scar on my neck, which is mostly healed up. For a few weeks there, a steak for me was no more than a photo opportunity.
As the cliche goes, the tests showed they got it all. Except there may be some microscopic stuff they couldn't see in the tests still lurking about. That explains the radiation, which is designed to kill off whatever's left.
They say the outlook is good — 86-88 percent.
I'm not looking forward to the radiation. First of all, it means I have to drive to hell and gone to North Austin on Monday through Friday for about six weeks, have this weird mesh mask fitted over my face, and get zapped in the mouth for a few minutes. They tell me for the first four weeks I won't notice much.
They also tell me that for the last two weeks of treatment, and for the two weeks after, I'll suffer the sore throat from hell. I'll be trying to drink a lot of dietary supplement drinks to try to keep my weight up. Is col' beer a dietary supplement? And don't be inviting me out for barbecue during that month or I'll have to slap you.
Here's hoping everything's back to normal when the Longhorns kick off in September. My goal is to be able to eat a sausage wrap at a tailgate party by the home opener. Hook 'em.
John Kelso writes for the Austin American-Statesman. E-mail: jkelso(at)statesman.com.