GRANDVIEW, Texas — Out on the range, the longhorn cattle are lumbering east, swinging their mighty horns to and fro.
A stampede doesn't appear likely; in fact, the big gray one called Norman likes to be scratched, and I might just try that before this little Adventure in Cowboy Land is over.
 CHRIS LEBLANC/Cox Newspapers Pam Leblanc participates in a mini cattle drive at Beaumont Ranch.
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Here on the Beaumont Ranch, a combination dude ranch and events center that's a little Old West and a little small-town Disney, you can stay the night in a faux cowboy town, shoot a shotgun, do a little fishing and round up the cattle.
It's not exactly life as it was in the 1800s, but it does give city slickers a chance to get saddle sore without auctioning the family ranch on the courtyard steps.
Family-friendly Beaumont Ranch also comes with a family budget friendly price: rooms start at $175 a night and a pint-sized cattle drive experience the next morning is an additional $35.
We stayed in Chisholm Fork, the ranch's fake Western town. Our room, the Yellow Rose, was outfitted with a pull-chain toilet and claw-foot tub, plus a big comfy bed and a mini-fridge. We felt like we were sacking out in a movie set.
Midweek we had the place to ourselves. Weddings and family reunions are the main activity here, and on weekends you're as apt to see a bride carrying a bouquet as a cowboy slinging a rope. That said, there's fun to be had, and a highlight came at the sporting clays course.
I'd never held a shotgun before I met Lonnie Mears of Rock Creek Shoot Promotions, which stages registered tournaments and charity events on the ranch.
He fired off a couple of biodegradable clay discs and had me point my finger at them as they sailed into oblivion. Then he demonstrated how to hold a Beretta 390 and handed it over. Finally, he launched a clay in the air and had me shoot at it.
I grimaced, braced and pulled the trigger.
Somehow, I hit it!
"It's golf with a shotgun," Mears told me. "What's more fun than watching something fly through the air and explode?"
He's right. I felt empowered after nailing two out of three targets. I'd like to spend more time experiencing the course, which has targets set up in all kinds of terrain, from open fields to thick forested draws.
On our way back, we stopped by a hillside perch where chuckwagon meals are staged, walked inside an events barn where a mechanical bull holds court and peeked into Beau Monde, the ranch's spa.
After breakfast the next morning, we headed to the barn, where we met head wrangler Raul Saldana. He introduced me to Montana, the sweet bay horse that is now doing most of the work.
Actually, work is stretching it a little.
About 50 head of longhorn are lazily nibbling grass, and Saldana and another cowgirl and I are yipping and whooping like stars in a John Wayne movie. We have managed to gather the herd in no time flat.
Honestly, it didn't take much. I'm pretty sure they've done this before.
Even the calves have come along, staring back now and then as if they are wondering what the fuss is about. I cluck at them and they scurry on, trotting across a plank bridge and into the east pasture, our destination.
It's not a real cattle drive, but I appreciate the experience. I can't help but daydream a little about what it (or a much more grueling version of it) must have been like when this was a way of life. I always did love "Lonesome Dove."
You can arrange your own mini cattle drive for two to seven wanna-be cowboys (or girls.) It takes just a few hours, and when you're done, you can go soak in that claw-foot tub in Chisholm Fork.
The ranch, about three hours from Austin, offers "Cowboy Experience" packages that include an hour-long trail ride, 30 minutes of cattle gathering, a one-hour roping lesson and cowboy hat or bandanna. Other activities, such as skeet shooting, roping or chuck wagon meals, are also available.
Pamela LeBlanc writes for the Austin American-Statesman. E-mail: pleblanc(at)statesman.com.
