AUSTIN, Texas — For a really lousy literary form, text messaging is deceptively addictive.
Even someone as unwired as I am gets suckered into sending text messages until hell wouldn't have it. I just got the bill on my new iPhone. I had wondered what the "i" stood for, and now I know: idiot. In a single month, I spent $120.20 on text messages — at 20 cents a pop. That's a total of 601 text messages — 372 outgoing and 229 incoming. And I can't think of one message I sent that was particularly spectacular in the creative writing department.
Throughout history, your great writers didn't text. Shakespeare never sent a text message. "2B or not 2B, that is the ?" never happened. Hemingway didn't text. "The Old Man and the C?" No way, baby.
Still, we are hooked on texting. I guess it's the urgent need to keep in touch with one another that drives it. And speaking of driving, unfortunately some people are actually stupid enough to text while driving.
Given how dangerous this is, the Austin City Council voted Thursday on first reading to make it against the law to text and drive at the same time. The new crime would be a Class C misdemeanor. That's not strong enough. Anyone caught texting while driving should have his cell phone privileges jerked for a week for each letter of the text sent out. Does that work 4 U? It works 4 me.
See, here's the deal. You can walk and chew gum at the same time. But texting and driving? Sure, it's possible. But it does severely limit your motor vehicle operating skills. When you text, one hand holds the phone, while the other hand operates the keypad.
This leaves the third hand to steer the car.
What? You say you don't have a third hand? No kidding? When did you figure that out? About the same you ran that Prius into the ditch?
Fact is, a drunk has a driving advantage over a texter. That's right. A drunk isn't as dangerous as a texter.
I'd feel safer with a drunk coming down the road toward me than some techie with a cell phone telling his friends by text that he'll be 10 minutes late to Jo's Coffee. This is because it only takes one hand to operate a beer can. Besides that, at least the drunk is trying to look out the car window. Not the texter. He's too busy looking at his phone to check the scenery.
The book on passing this law is that it might not be a good idea because it would be tough to enforce. So what? Murder one is tough to enforce.
So I am all for the council getting behind this law for a couple of reasons: public safety and the inanity of most text messages. Can't it wait? Do you really need to be telling your friends while you're driving that you're on your way to Whole Foods to squeeze the kiwis?
Nope, you don't. So cut it out.
John Kelso writes for the Austin American-Statesman. E-mail: jkelso(at)statesman.com.