AUSTIN, Texas — Remember "The Ex-List" and "My Own Worst Enemy"? Those were hot properties a year ago as the networks trotted out their fall offerings.
There are 22 new shows this year (not counting midseason replacements), one more than in 2008. That's a lot of potential viewing. But if past experience is any guide, you might not want to bother investing time with many new shows, because most of them won't be around for long.
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For every successful "Fringe" or "Gary Unmarried," there are three or four "Knight Riders" or "Kath & Kims." Here are my takes on the new fall shows and my predictions on who might like them.
'Melrose Place'
Premieres: Tuesday; 8 p.m. CT Tuesdays on The CW
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Laura Leighton are the most recognizable residents of this trashy remake of a trashy '90s classic. Our test-screeners (many of them fans of the original) found it cheesily compelling in a "so-bad-it's-good, can't-look-away-from-an-accident" sort of way.
Original cast member Thomas Calabro (Dr. Michael Mancini) returns along with — somewhere down the line — Daphne Zuniga and Josie Bissett, and rumors persist that Heather Locklear is in negotiations. So much intrigue, and the show hasn't even aired yet!
Perfect for: Fans of the original; water cooler and online chatters.
'Glee'
Premieres: Wednesday; 8 p.m. Wednesdays on Fox
The kids are ostensibly the stars of this Fox show (and, yeah, the musical numbers are catchy) but the real fun lies in the snarky adult misbehavior, especially that of the ridiculously competitive cheerleading coach, Jane Lynch. The whole shebang is topped off with a sweet near-romance between drippy Glee Club head Matthew Morrison and obsessive-compulsive colleague Jayma Mays.
A late spring premiere episode, iTunes downloads and a nationwide mall tour have whipped fans (they have their own name — "Gleeks") into a frenzy, but subsequent episodes' emphasis on downer story lines might lose them. I won't stop believin', but the producers need to remember that it's supposed to be glee club, not drama.
Perfect for: Anyone who's ready to graduate from "High School Musical."
'The Vampire Diaries'
Premieres: Thursday; 7 p.m. Thursdays on The CW
Two beautiful vampires — are there any other kind, anymore? — including "Lost's" Ian Somerhalder, duke it out for the heart, soul and, I guess, delicious blood of a beautiful, angst-ridden, orphaned high school girl. As if high school isn't already hard enough for girls, right?
Perfect for: "Twilight" devotees who need a fix to tide them over until "New Moon."
'The Jay Leno Show'
Premieres: Sept. 14; 9 p.m. weekdays on NBC
Jerry Seinfeld kicks off Leno's new, nightly chat fest, which we're promised won't just be his "Tonight Show" moved up an hour and a half. Though we're sure to see popular Leno features such as "Headlines" and "Jaywalking," Jay's also bringing "correspondents" on board, including comics D.L. Hughley, Mikey Day, Rachael Harris, Jim Norton and the Dan Band. In addition, look for NBC News' Brian Williams to make regular contributions and expect less frequent — but more "event"-oriented — musical performances.
Perfect for: Oldsters who can't stay up quite so late anymore.
'The Beautiful Life: TBL'
Premieres: Sept. 16; 8 p.m. Wednesdays on The CW
From the mind of Ashton Kutcher (hee!) comes this sexy soaper about models on their way up and down the ladder of fame. I'm going to try to start a trend here by calling this show "Melrose Face" (pass it on). Sara Paxton ("Summerland"), Ben Hollingsworth ("Degrassi: The Next Generation") and Mischa Barton ("The O.C." and, recently, the tabloids) star along with squeaky-clean "High School Musical" alum Corbin Bleu. Hey — what's a nice guy like him doing in a backstabbing place like this?
Perfect for: Anyone who likes to see pretty, pretty people doing bad, bad things.
'Community'
Premieres: Sept. 17; 8:30 p.m. Thursdays on NBC
It was disconcerting to see the star of this show, Joel McHale, pimping NBC's fall line-up in a half-hour special that he would have mocked as host of E!'s "The Soup." The writing here isn't much more impressive, but McHale's got charm to spare and he's more than capable of carrying this ensemble comedy, which sends him to community college to re-earn his law degree.
If his character's name, Jeff Winger, isn't a direct shout-out to Bill Murray's John Winger from "Stripes," it should be: This show shares a lot of that film's comic sensibility. It's also got Chevy Chase and "The Daily Show's" John Oliver. Minor gripe: Does every middle-age African-American woman on television need to be described as "sassy"?
Perfect for: Fans of "Arrested Development" and "The Sarah Silverman Program" — both efforts in which this show's writers, directors and producers were heavily involved.
'Accidentally on Purpose'
Premieres: Sept. 21; 7:30 p.m. Mondays on CBS
I really wanted to like this show, which finds Jenna Elfman rebounding from rejection into a productive one-night stand (or, reproductive — pregnancy ensues and Elfman decides to keep the baby, along with its 20-ish father). But poor Jenna's trying too hard. There's a pleasant, "How I Met Your Mother"-ish charm here somewhere, but it's buried beneath broad overacting that borders on desperate.
Ashley Jensen ("Extras") is a hoot as Elfman's gal pal, Olivia, and the scenes with Elfman's young beau and his stoner friends are genuinely funny, but I'm not sure this show will last nine months.
Perfect for: I dunno. Does anyone miss Jenna Elfman that much?
'The Forgotten'
Premieres: Sept. 22; 9 p.m. Tuesdays on ABC
Christian Slater heads up a ragtag group of civilian volunteers who try to discover the identities of unidentified crime victims and, ultimately, catch their killers. Two series regular roles were just recast, so no pilot was made available — never a good sign. But creator Jerry Bruckheimer's made a nice TV career out of procedurals (see "CSI: Etcetera," "Cold Case") so who knows? Maybe it'll do better than last season's Slater vehicle, "My Own Worst Enemy."
Perfect for: You already know if this is your kind of show; I'm not optimistic.
'The Good Wife'
Premieres: Sept. 22; 9 p.m. Tuesdays on CBS
"ER's" Julianna Margulies shines in the fall's best new drama as a stay-at-home mom who must return to the workforce after her politico husband (Chris Noth, "Sex and the City") is jailed on corruption charges including, naturally, high-profile infidelity. The complication? Margulies' character is a lawyer who must deal with her husband's political enemies and the fallout from his indiscretions on a daily basis.
Perfect for: Law-drama junkies and political scandal watchers. Can you say Blagojevich? Don't feel bad; lots of people can't.
'Cougar Town'
Premieres: Sept. 23; 8:30 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC
Courteney Cox returns to comedy as a divorced mother rediscovering the joys of younger men, much to the embarrassment of her middle school-age son. And it's really funny, until it turns into one redundant sex joke: no "Friends," but lots of benefits.
Perfect for: Well, not for middle school-age boys; let's start there. It's really filthy.
'Eastwick'
Premieres: Sept. 23; 9 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC
If you can get past the hokey beginning, the hokey premise and the hokey acting, this show promises some good, trashy fun loosely based on the 1987 motion picture "The Witches of Eastwick." Rebecca Romijn, Jaime Ray Newman and Lindsay Price star as three disparate, magical stereotypes brought together by mysterious stranger Darryl van Horn (Paul Gross).
Romijn is fun, but Newman is a bargain-basement Kelly Preston and Price's voice is a carbon copy of that annoying "Pat Stevens" talk show host character Nora Dunn used to do on "Saturday Night Live."
Perfect for: Earth mothers, tramps, wallflowers and the men who love them.
'Mercy'
Premieres: Sept. 23; 7 p.m. Wednesdays on NBC
Surprise! A hospital drama I kind of like. Maybe that's because it's such a rip-off of Showtime's "Nurse Jackie," right down to the cheating lead character; the perky, newly graduated nurse; the gay nurse buddy; and the neighborhood tap. There's less dark humor and graphic sex (although I'll be surprised if a few choice lines of dialogue from the pilot make it on air), and no drugs (except alcohol), but the writing is sharp and the acting is good.
Perfect for: Fans of "Nurse Jackie" who are tired of DVRing and waiting for the kids to fall asleep.
'Modern Family'
Premieres: Sept. 23; 8 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC
The fall's best new comedy is a one-camera affair about three families that connect in surprising and hilarious ways. It's a little disconcerting to have characters address the camera without some explanation — a la "The Office's" documentary conceit — but I quickly got past that. Ed O'Neill ("Married with Children") is just one standout in an ensemble where each performance is bested by the next and each scene is funnier than the one before it.
Perfect for: Fans of Christopher Guest movies and "The Office." If you like that show, you'll love "Modern Family."
'FlashForward'
Premieres: Sept. 24; 7 p.m. Thursdays on ABC
Great sci-fi drama with a truly original premise, thrown slightly off track by the jarring appearance of "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane as an intelligence man ("You'll be working with Agent Brian, the dog"). A worldwide consciousness blackout leads to every person on the planet experiencing, for 2 minutes and 17 seconds, exactly where they will be and what they will be doing on the same day and time some six months in the future. Well, most everyone ... Those who saw no vision have their own worries: Will they still be around then? And can the events of these visions be altered?
Perfect for: Sci-fi lovers who can't wait until January for "Lost" to return.
'Brothers'
Premieres: Sept. 25; 7 p.m. Fridays on Fox
Former NFL star Michael Strahan and Daryl Chill Mitchell star in this family-friendly comedy that doesn't stand a chance. Mostly (and refreshingly) free of the sexual humor so pervasive in other half-hour situation comedies, the show's Friday night time slot probably means it'll be retired faster than Strahan's character, a former NFL big shot called home to Houston by his mother, CCH Pounder, to help with his brother's failing sports bar. Carl Weathers ("Arrested Development") portrays the bickering siblings' father, Coach.
Perfect for: Fans of the "Odd Couple" and insult humor — Strahan and Mitchell's bickering characters are masters.
'The Cleveland Show'
Premieres: Sept. 27; 7:30 p.m. Sundays on Fox
The least-likely "Family Guy" character to get a spin-off gets a spin-off in this show that borrows from "American Dad" as well as "Family Guy" (but mostly from "Family Guy"). Peter Griffin sidekick Cleveland Brown leaves Quahog for the sandier pastures of California, but gets sidetracked in his Virginia hometown, where he reconnects with his high-school sweetheart and her family, including a 5-year-old Stewie clone named Rallo and a neighbor family of talking bears.
Perfect for: Anybody who wants to spend more time inside Seth MacFarlane's twisted brain.
'Trauma'
Premieres: Sept. 28; 8 p.m. Mondays on NBC
Pretty people crack wise while patching up accident victims and their own tattered lives amid spectacular explosions in this one-hour drama from executive producer Peter Berg ("Friday Night Lights"). This show is sort of like "9021–oh no! Two helicopters just collided in mid-air and now a gasoline truck's gonna blow! Run!"
Perfect for: Anybody who likes "Emergency!" and Michael Bay movies.
'NCIS Los Angeles'
Premieres: Sept. 29; 8 p.m. Tuesdays on CBS
Hey, why should "CSI" get all the spin-offs? Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J star in this version, less of a procedural than a surveillance and special-ops oriented undercover drama. Look for lots of "NCIS" stars to make semi-regular appearances.
Perfect for: "NCIS" fans who wish that show were an hour longer.
'Hank'
Premieres: Sept. 30; 7 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC
Kelsey Grammer dips back into the "Frasier" well to portray an effete, deposed corporate mogul who, in the midst of an economic crisis, heads home to rural River Bend, Va., with his wife and kids but without his CEO perks. This might be the worst comedy pilot of the season. Watching Grammer fuss and fume gets old fast, and there's just not much else going on here.
Perfect for: Persuading you to get your lazy butt off the couch and exercise? I guess seeing "Mad Men's" Melinda McGraw as Frasier's — I mean, Hank's — wife is fun, but that's about it.
'The Middle'
Premieres: Sept. 30; 7:30 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC
A surprisingly good comedy starring Patricia Heaton ("Everybody Loves Raymond") as a woman stuck in the middle: middle age, middle income, Middle America. This quirky show has been compared to "Malcolm in the Middle," but it's much sweeter than that shrill sitcom. In fact, "The Middle" reminded me of nothing so much as "The Wonder Years," and that's high praise, indeed.
Perfect for: Family viewing; TV fans who don't need laugh tracks to tell them what's funny.
'Three Rivers'
Premieres: Oct. 4; 8 p.m. Sundays on CBS
This show puts an interesting spin on the standard medical drama, focusing on the crews who harvest organs from donors. It's kind of a rush to watch them rush around, flying through hurricanes and overcoming rigid time constraints and reluctant family members in an effort to save lives, including, in the pilot, a middle-aged man who needs a lung transplant and a promising basketball player with a heart defect. And Katherine Moennig ("The L Word") is good as a rebellious surgeon.
Perfect for: My editor, and anyone else who loves deadlines.
'V'
Premieres: Nov. 3; 7 p.m. Tuesdays on ABC
Remember that miniseries from the '80s? Remember when TV used to have a thing called a miniseries? "V" is a stylish remake of that phenomenon (which also had a brief run as a regular prime-time series), with massive alien ships appearing over Earth's major cities. The craft are filled with serene, model-pretty aliens bearing a message of peace. They share technology, provide universal health care and win over a lot of Earthlings.
But there's something sinister beneath their skin. The special effects are great and the show sports a fine cast, including "Lost's" Elizabeth Mitchell and "Party of Five's" Scott Wolf.
Perfect for: Anyone who loves the '80s or keeps reptiles as pets.
Dale Roe writes for the Austin American-Statesman. E-mail: droe(at)statesman.com.
